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[ website | My Journal<3 ]
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(1 Dead | Bang Bang)

[08 Nov 2005|08:52am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Live Journals absolutely suck

Somebody remind me why I have one?

(Bang Bang)

[08 Jun 2005|02:24pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Info Black
Your Heart is Black

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

(4 Dead | Bang Bang)

[26 May 2005|08:36am]
[ mood | calm ]

I undeleted my journal finally. I hate having to keep updating 2 journals at the same time, but I'll live. Lately not much has happened except:
\Brittani and I are fighting,
/I talk to Allison now,
/Diane likes Bennett,
\love triangles suck,
/I got 2 new mixtapes,
\Jason still wiggles his pen to piss me off in Office Skills,
/I'm officially failing Algebra 1 there's a good chance I will have to take it next year,
\Misha is insane,
/I loathe Mr. Burke because he is a hippicritical, greedy, too young to teach, naieve little prick,
\I have a guidance appointment today,
/I'm not wearing eye makeup,
\I've been smoking alot lately,
/I have 5 dollars,
\John and I arent talking at all,
/Shawn and I arent talking as much,
\I haven't hung out with 8th graders in about a week,

(Bang Bang)

[06 May 2005|08:46am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I am supposed to do stuff this weekend like go to the mall with Brittani, and go to a mothers day dinner at a country club, gag. Anyway, It's first mod, and I think I am going to have an OK day. I woke up late, and spent my god old time getting ready, then asked my grandma to take me to school. I went outside, and had my very last smoke, and went back in to find Frank being an asshole to Diane again. I love her to death, but she brings it on herself. She doesn't break up with him ,and stop talking to him, so i'm done trying to help. if she doesnt want to help herself, why should I want to help her. I didnt get to see Brittani to give her pajama pants, but oh well.

I hate fighting with my mom, it blows. Yesturday I tried to write in a journal about whats happening to calm myself down, and she was being a total bitch came in and told me to stop doing that, and go clean. After I got sooo mad at her, and was being a bitch to everyone, she was in the best mood ever! EErr i fucking loathe that. Don't I use the word "loathe" alot. Yeah well I saw it in 16 candles (one of the best movies ever) and it juts kinda stuck. I've been saying it too long.

I need to go somewhere after school. I cant sleep over Brittani's like I planned to, so yeah I need to do something. I am always home, or at Brittani's lately, and I kinda need a change. I am a bad person, I always seem to hurt one of my best friends with out them even knowing.

EDIT; 2:04, Mod 8
Oh my fucking god... I am in one of my best moods ever. I have no idea why, I mean I didn't even call anythign stupid in french class. I actually sat up and watched "a tale of two cities". I was pleasent all through lunch, I made up with Ryan, I participated in all of my classes. I was nice to everyone, and I think I only sed a total of 2 mean things today all of which were directed towards Mr. Fanucci. Ahh, now I'm in the SLC with Ashley, and I want her to make a journal so I can comment in it lol. She won't, but I think her and Kris Davies would make a good couple. Wow, I need a cigarette right about now.

(2 Dead | Bang Bang)

my life is a made for tv movie. [03 May 2005|08:24pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I feel like complaining about my horrid day:
1. I was sick all day
2. I hate learning about STD's in Health
3. everyone was being uber bitchy today, I mean NO ONE was in a good mood
4. Nothing is the same anymore
5. I was frustrated from being stupid in all my classes except study hall
6. I need a boyfriend (because I have nobody to talk to)
7. I am sick of school completely
8. Lunch sucked more ass than any other time in the year.
9. I think I'm bi-polar
10. "people" frustrate the holy fuck out of me
11. I need a cigarette
12. I dont have enough dashboard songs to fill an entire nite to make me feel better
13. I'm failing everything already
14. I hate being called a crack whore
15. I haven't gotten high in WEEKS
16. Someone took my bag of popcorn when I dropped it on the way up the hill
17. I wanna get laid
18. Fanucci can suck my ass
19. I need a cigarette
20. AND to top off my day Matt called. The mother-fucking asshole that thinks it's funny to do crack, drink constantly, get arrested, not pay cild support, beat his "wife", walk out on his family, break my mothers heart, hurt my baby sister more than anyone could ever know. I mean the worst part about him calling was there was more than a million things running through my mind to day to him like "I fucking loathe you", or " Great job asshole, why dont you go get arrested again", or "i'm so glad you can find it in your heart to support your own flesh and blood" well you get the picture.

(2 Dead | Bang Bang)

[02 May 2005|09:16pm]
My weekend was fun, I went places with Brittani, and stole things. Anyway, Im bored, and felt like updating for no reason. so yeah talkto you layter

(3 Dead | Bang Bang)

[30 Apr 2005|01:30am]
[ mood | horny ]

what do you take me for? some kind of easy mark...

school has been pretty ok lately, but for the rest of life, it's very dramatic. Why do people hurt themselves deliberately? Whether it's cutting, or drugs, or letting someone else hurt you by not leaving them. You know who you are.

I decided that from now on, I am not going to go out with people unless I really get to know them well,a nd like them alot. I want to just flirt with people, and do stuff, because afterall, thats what teenage dating is all about. Why not just get all the benefits without all the obligations.

Well anyway, today was interesting. I hung out with Brittani, Diane, and Seth most of the day, but then made Chris feel bad because we found a kittie under a trailor,a nd I wanted to keep it, but Chris took it from me, brought it to his mom, and asked to keep it. I know that sounds childish to complain about, but wow how mean.

John came home today, no lectures yet, but theyre coming. I wanted Misha to come over, to help meake things more comfortable,and because she's fucking awesome, but my house isn't clean, and my mom would have freaked out.

Tomorrow I have to watch my sister in the morning, then maybe goto the mall with Diane. On Sunday i want to go to tht pancake breakfast at the highschool with Brittani, and walk around afterwards, but you never know, it may fall through, so if you wanna hang out comment.

(4 Dead | Bang Bang)

[28 Apr 2005|08:48am]
[ mood | drained ]

& as for now I'm going to hear the saddest songs
and sit alone and wonder, how youre making out

(1 Dead | Bang Bang)

[27 Apr 2005|09:06pm]
I tenderly strip the thread that bonds the pieces of our hearts,
that encase the devotion of lovers present, and lovers past.
in this instant that I have been unconstrained from the obligation of you,
my freedom has been bestowed upon me once again
like a bird to receive their wings, nevertheless I feel incomplete.
-by me because I was bored

Today was awesome. I hung out with Brittani at the Rec Center, and walked to Stanges in the rain. Then when I got home Diane and I were throwing a lint brush across the length of my trailor, and then pulling out light thingys from the grounde and seeing who can get them stuck in the ground. We were also lying in the middle of the street, and doing bridges, talking about std's, and the "people" that are moving in th trailor park. Now, tomorrow I am going to Brittani's to get my hair fixed.. again

(3 Dead | Bang Bang)

[25 Apr 2005|12:03am]
[ mood | content ]

You'd never take the mere bit of
innocence she has left in her soul;
because you can never give your
heart if you crave the blood of your own.

Eh, ungrounded. Slept over Brittani's. Interesting. Cut my hair again. Writing 8th graders career papers. Thinking.

(2 Dead | Bang Bang)

[22 Apr 2005|08:26am]
[ mood | high ]

Grounded still. Although I am going to Brittani's tomorrow. Hopefully I get to go out, and hang out with people, because I miss human interaction terribly. Shawn and I are on and off, not like that matters because we always get back together. So yeah, Office Skills is tiring because I'm on so much vikodon(sp?). Jason just sits there and plays snood which is interesting. Yeah leave a comment<3

(6 Dead | Bang Bang)

[18 Apr 2005|12:25pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

Not only has my weekend been most sleeping from all the vikodin. but on Saturday I got caught for smoking while I was on my porch. Don't ask me how that happened. Well, I'm grounded for a month [which will last like 2 days]. John pisses me off to no end, and he thinks that everything is his business, and that he HAS to say something about EVERYTHING I do. That just makes me so pissed off. Anyway, I was supposed to go to school today, but my mom was like "no you're leg is gunna hurt". Yeah for the first time in like forever, I wanted to go to school. So now I'm stuck sitting home, and just got busted for being online so yeah.

(7 Dead | Bang Bang)

[16 Apr 2005|11:31am]
[ mood | in pain ]

yesturday was a great day at school. Then I wanted to go to Shawn's after school. Rich, Shawn and I were just hanging back around his house in the woods. The next second there was a forest fire, and my leg got caught in it. Yeah, so now my whole calf is rapped up because I had to go to the emergency room for 3rd degree burns. Interesting day huh?

(3 Dead | Bang Bang)

[14 Apr 2005|08:22am]
eh, nobody is leaving comments anymore, so I guess nobody is readint this. Hmm, I'm gunna stop writing now because why should I have to tell everyone about my life?

(1 Dead | Bang Bang)

[09 Apr 2005|07:18pm]
[ mood | devious ]

Rockfest was last nite. I think that i had to be one of the most eventful nites in a while. I got there with Brittani, Shawn, Rich, Joe, and Ben. We walked around down the the elementary, and hung out, then walked back up and i needed a cigarette really bad so I asked this guy for one, and he's like no, but I can go get them for you. So, Brittani, Rich, and I hopped in his car, and got some at CVS. When we got back a bunch more people were there like Alex, Bennett, Holt, Dan, and some guy named Slick. Mainly we all just hung outside by the playground smoking and shit. We got a ride to the Summit/Krispy Kreme and back from Dan, and Slick. We actually went inside for most of Felix Sarco then Brittani, and I went home and knocked out. Today I went to the Rec Center for a while, then came home and kinda got pissed at Shawn. Now, Joey, and Frank are at Diane's, and we hung out for a little bit, but yeah that's my weekend

(Bang Bang)

catch a ride 0n the wing of a butterfly [07 Apr 2005|08:29am]
[ mood | confuzzled ]

Did you ever think about something you know you shouldn't? Like I know for a fact it's what I want, but it's not what I'm used to so it scares me. Don't get me wrong, I'm reallly happy, but idk, I'm just being myself, and this isn't me.

Would it be so bad if you were to
pretend that you were so happy?
Keep it to yourself
Don't let the secret go
If you were so willing, but...

Let's pray for the suicide
And all these pictures falling down around me
I've surrounded myself with all I have inside

(Bang Bang)

[06 Apr 2005|02:27pm]
yesturday + a hugr headache + more love for Shawn than yesturday = today

I don't mean this to sound wrong, but I've been doing what I always try to hold back from doing because it ruins everything. I have been analyzing every aspect of it. I truly think it's real, but eith me, I'm never sure...

I'll edit it later bitches

(5 Dead | Bang Bang)

Err [05 Apr 2005|02:13pm]
[ mood | giggly ]

Well Today, so far, was pretty awesome. I am extremely happy for some odd reason. Last night I was as sick as hell, but after throwing all that shit up, I'm better. In french class Diane felt the need to talk to me because Mr. Fanucci sucks dick, so we got the millionth "1" (which means that were bad girls that cant shutup) So, the asshole that fanucci is he gave us both detention. I sware one of these days i going to "maker her an ass hat" lmfao remember that Diane? Anyway, the day is going by so fast, and thank god because I get to go after school to hng out with Shawn<3, Brittani, Rich, Alex, and a couple other people. I'll probably edit it later

Edit: So yes I went to the library, all I have to say is everytime I see Shawn I love him even more<333

(2 Dead | Bang Bang)

<33 [04 Apr 2005|08:26am]
[ mood | In Love<33333 ]

Well, I had an awesome day yesturday! I walked to Brittani's house yesturday, and mainly talked and watched movies. (I wish I had her closet to smoke in) Then I went home, and got online. I talked to Shawn<33 for a total of 7 hours, wow we talk about everything. Then out of nowhere he asked me out. Of course I said yes becuse he is the most awesome guy I ever met. Hopefully I get to hang out with him soon b/c I already miss him. Anyway I love him soo much<333

when everything feels like the movies
you`ll bleed just to know your alive <//3

(2 Dead | Bang Bang)

[02 Apr 2005|11:05am]
[ mood | dirty ]

Last night I went to the show& hung out with awesome people. Everyone was outside most of the time, and honestly it is because it was more fun. Shawn is soooo awesome, and I hugged this Joe kida alot (he's a good hugger) I got pantsed (sp?)by Ryan, and it was uhmm well not good. I kinda flipped out at Ryan b/c he's a dumbass, and can't take a hint to save his life. Anyway, I'm friends with Alex again b/c she's so cool, and so is Rich. Brittani, and Margaret are my most amazing friends, Bennett is ok, I guess :-\ lol. &Diane didn't go which made me mad. John was there, and he's cool too. Hmmm, "people" thought I was all over every guy I saw even though that wasn't the case, I was just incredibly hyper. I kept asking these guys for cigarettes, and I didn't know they were straight-edged and i had asked them 6times before lol. Well, Brittani is here and were lazy so cya

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